We are all so busy that it's hard to remember, and to find the time, to tell our lovers how much they mean to us. In the beginning it was easy; we so obviously lived just for each other. Even our friends got a little bored with our mutually exclusive focus!

Slowly, life got in the way and responsibilities pulled us in different directions. If we can no longer spend hours exploring each other's world, we can occasionally interject an unexpected message that jolts our partner into a brief moment of focus on us and the relationship between us that is at the core of our existence.

Take a couple of hours when you find yourself with unexpected free time, even if you have to steal it at a dull seminar or when tied up in rush hour traffic. Write up some short little notes telling your partner how much you appreciate them and the particular things they do that make you love them even more.

Then identify innovative ways to deliver your messages. Hide a note inside a dresser drawer. Scrawl it across the bathroom mirror in soap. Mail a personal and confidential letter to your partner's work -- send certified so no one else can open it. Send it as an e-mail or leave it on a voice mail or text pager. Tape it to the bedroom or refrigerator door as a greeting when you know you won't be home. Stick it in a coat pocket or wallet to be found at an unexpected moment.

A quick reminder of what our lives are really about is a breath of fresh air in a world so often dominated by outside demands.

Virginia Bola, PsyD

Dr. Virginia Bola is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist, a vocational expert, a social commentator and a self-admitted diet fanatic. After 20 years of owning a vocational rehabilitation company, she is now Manager of Clinical Operations for a major MBHO.

She has authored numerous articles on the psychology of weight control, the emotional correlates of unemployment and job search, social issues, politics, and the graying of America.

Her latest book, completed in June, 2005,is Diet With An Attitude: A Weight Loss Workbook, an interactive manual providing the reader with personal guidance and encouragement in the battle to lose weight. It takes an irreverent approach to dieting while providing innovative and therapeutic exercises for self-exploration, confidence-building and emotional self-support.

Her earlier book, The Wolf At The Door: An Unemployment Survival Manual, provides unemployed workers with therapeutic exercises, self-exploration, and confidence-building worksheets combined with specific, step-by-step techniques for finding work.

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